Guns, Boats, And Footballmobiles

It was a fantastic weekend for midwest football as both the Colts and Bears saw cornerstones of their offense in trouble with the law, with possible suspensions when the new season starts.

For the Colts, a couple weeks after backup running back Kenton Keith acted a fool, the most mild-mannered player in all of sports, Marvin Harrison is sort of maybe somehow connected to a shooting outside his club. Apparently there's some kind of specialty Belgian gun involved that was found in his car wash. For what it's worth, the investigation has been delayed to hunt down a completely unrelated cop killer and no one has actually called Marvin a suspect. With the league's current conduct policy, however, things don't look good for the Indianapolis great.

The Chicago Bears didn't do much better with "couldn't find a hole in a Patpong prostitute" Cedric Benson getting busted for boating under the influence. The police even had to pepper spray dude to subdue him. Clearly they could have taken him down much easier by simply dressing as an opposing defensive lineman and saying, "boo." Benson of course has a different, much more police-brutality-filled account of events, which, given that this took place in Texas, probably has some credence.

Chris Paul, You're My Only Hope

Well, Atlanta finally got bit by reality and the first round of the NBA playoffs are over. We are now left with the Hornets, the Magic, and six of the most uninteresting teams in the league that no one could possibly like unless they were born and raised in their home cities. The 2004 Lakers, I mean Celtics, are, unsurprisingly, an unfocused mess that can't even beat Atlanta on the road and are led by the human virus know as Kevin Garnett. The LeBrons are a collection of zero personality role players surrounding the most self-important egomaniac in history. The Pistons are the Pistons; the Jazz are the Jazz; The Lakers wish they were Jordan's Bulls; and the Spurs are so boring I fell asleep twice while writing this sentence. While Dwight Howard and Orlando are a fun and amicable bunch, a team with Hedo Turkoglu as their best player probably won't be making the Conference Finals. The situation seams bleak, but don't turn off TNT just yet. You see, America still has the Hornets. True MVP, Chris Paul and company are still here to try and save basketball from the forces of lameness. New Orleans has quickly become the new Sacramento Kings, only better. They play beautifully watchable basketball and actually seem like they're enjoying themselves. Heck, I've even seen a couple of them smile. This is the alley-ooping, Dirk-slapping, three-popping team the NBA needs. The Hornets are the only thing the 08 playoffs have going for them, but if they keep playing like they have been, they may be the only thing the 08 playoffs need.

The Fat, Still Only Half-Way Finished Stack

Immortal Iron Fist #14
Sigh. Why does it have to end? (A+)

Thor: Ages Of Thunder #1
Looks like Fraction can do gods too. (A)

New Avengers #40
Told you Bendis wasn't smart enough to have a red herring. Cheung is awesome, by the way. (A-)

X-Men Legacy #210
Still plodding along. It's pretty good, but there's not a single character I care about in it. (B+)

Green Lantern #30
Well crafted, but I'm still waiting to find out why I'm reading this origin story for the hundredth time. (B)

Avengers: The Initiative #12
Those costumes at the end were pretty lame, but nice to see Ms. Marvel's old duds getting some play. (B)

The Order #10
Fun while it lasted, but the atrocious art on this one takes it down a notch. (B-)

DC Universe: Zero
I really could give two @#$%s about Barry Allen at this point. (C)

Action Comics #864
Blargh. We go from the entertaining, Gary Frank penciled Legion story to this talky crapfest that tries to tie Countdown, Brave and the Bold, and the Lightning Saga together. (D)

New Warriors #11
I only read this to see how bad it can possibly get before they cancel it or reveal Night Thrasher as a Skrull. By the way, that Angel chick better be one too. She goes from a sassy street punk in Morrison's X-men to a perfect mother who wonders what the freezing point of steel is, can modify her own ice gauntlets, and changes her race every time there's a different artist? (F-)

Who Knew Dark Knight Was A Remake?

Click to watch a side by side comparison of the old and new trailers.