Peyton Obliterates The Barksdales And Spends Second Half Smoking Their Stash

With 12:37 to go in the third quarter Sunday, Peyton Manning had already run up four touchdowns on Ray "Avon" Lewis and Ed "Stringer" Reed and spent the rest of the game reading about Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo in the Inquirer while sipping on a strawberry mojito. He's Peyton Manning. He can drink what he wants. Two of his scores were to fellow circus peanut, Anthony Gonzalez, and Joseph Addai added three rushing TD's of his own. Baltimore Raven's QB, Kyle Boller gave up three picks and a fumble while amassing only one score of his own. B-more's other two touchdowns came on a kickoff return and rookie quarterback, Troy Smith's first trip to the end zone, punching it through on his feet. Unfortunately, Indy victory trophy, Jim Sorgi was unable to lead the Colts to a hundy, Coach Dungy instead settling for a meager 44.

Raiders Of The Lost Poster Of Doom

Well That Certainly Sucked

With merely a single issue, Jeph Loeb and Joe Madureira have managed to destroy everything good about the Ultimates. The third volume of the series has essentially become a parody of itself and has turned characters that are already hyperbolic versions of their normal Marvel counterparts to even more exponentially exaggerated caricatures. Apparently, subtlety and Mr. Loeb parted ways long ago, paving the way for an uninspired opening chapter which sunk to using the played out sex tape gag, blowing the veil of mystery off the incest between the Maximoffs (which was clearly more fun when it was merely hinted at), and killing off the one character that would have been nice to see used well, seeing that the 616 has already ruined her. If that's not bad enough, the murder was probably perpetrated by what used to be the Ultimate Universe's greatest character... who also looks doomed to soon become Ultimate Bullseye. The murder did, however, bring about the only intriguing question to arise from the issue with the puzzling appearance of a certain cane wielding blonde doctor. I won't even get into the art, since I already bashed the character design when the cover was first revealed, but even the layout design of the pages blows. So thank you, Mr. Loeb and Mr. Madureira. Thank you for ruining the book that once gave me goosebumps in my special parts.