Old Man Collins Is Back

After narrowly escaping the fate of becoming a highly watchable fast break team that can't beat the Spurs by losing out on Mike D'Antoni, the Chicago Bulls have decided to rehire Dough Collins after almost twenty years. Leaving behind a prosperous career as an insightful yet yawn-inducing broadcaster on TNT, Collins steps into the fortunate position of trying to turn around a drastically underachieving team with the assistance of this year's number one draft pick. In his last season with the Bulls, he took the team to the Conference Finals... or course he had some Jordan guy's help. His first order of business will likely be slapping the cognac out of Joakim Noah's mouth.

Well That Sure Took A While

The pre-season darling Chicago Bulls finally got their first win of the season against the Douchetroit Pistons after losing their first four games, including gimmes to the 76ers and Bucks. The Bulls overcame Rasheed Wallace's 36 points and an inability to score in the paint, topping the Motor City Meatheads 97 - 93. Chicago has struggled thus far, partially due to the cloud of uncertainty created by the Kobe Bryant saga. At this point, nearly everyone on the team has been mentioned as possible pieces to be moved in order to gain Satan's services. In fact, at one point I think they mentioned literally trading entire teams. That way Kobe still wouldn't be happy with his squad, but at least he'd get the revenues from once again switching jerseys. Hopefully the whole deal eventually just gets wiped from the table, because the Bulls would certainly have to give up at least one of their young forwards, Joakim Noah and Tyrus Thomas, both of whom showed serious hustle last night; Thomas throwing down 19 points and pulling down 14 boards, and Noah squirting Batman with his acid bow-tie before flying away with his helicopter umbrella. The Bulls hope to keep the wins coming when they play Toronto on Saturday.

Yes, This IS The Face Of The Next Chicago Bull

As the guy from Free Darko put it, "You look like every single Batman villain rolled up into one." Either that or the butler of Pee Wee's playhouse. Or the love child of Sideshow Bob and Napoleon Dynamite. Or the lining of my old couch cushion slipcovers. Hey, if Rodman worked out, why can't this entertaining bastard?