Well That Certainly Sucked

With merely a single issue, Jeph Loeb and Joe Madureira have managed to destroy everything good about the Ultimates. The third volume of the series has essentially become a parody of itself and has turned characters that are already hyperbolic versions of their normal Marvel counterparts to even more exponentially exaggerated caricatures. Apparently, subtlety and Mr. Loeb parted ways long ago, paving the way for an uninspired opening chapter which sunk to using the played out sex tape gag, blowing the veil of mystery off the incest between the Maximoffs (which was clearly more fun when it was merely hinted at), and killing off the one character that would have been nice to see used well, seeing that the 616 has already ruined her. If that's not bad enough, the murder was probably perpetrated by what used to be the Ultimate Universe's greatest character... who also looks doomed to soon become Ultimate Bullseye. The murder did, however, bring about the only intriguing question to arise from the issue with the puzzling appearance of a certain cane wielding blonde doctor. I won't even get into the art, since I already bashed the character design when the cover was first revealed, but even the layout design of the pages blows. So thank you, Mr. Loeb and Mr. Madureira. Thank you for ruining the book that once gave me goosebumps in my special parts.

Starbury To Write For Penthouse Forum

After learning he would be relegated to coming off the bench, Stephon Dinglebury skipped Tuesday night's game in Phoenix, infuriated that head coach, Isiah Thomas was not going to start him. The Knicks have fined Marbury over $180,000 for the tantrum and it is unknown whether he will ever play another game in the blue and orange, not that there would be many teams eager to trade for him. Besides his me-first attitude and steady decline in numbers, Starbury makes @$$ tons of money, making the only reason to acquire him that fact that his contract is up in two years or that he could be bought out. A move like this could free up enough cap space in 2009 to lure the like of Andre Iguodala, Emeka Okafor, Luol Deng, or even Kobe Bryant who has the option to opt out of his contract. The cap room could even be used in 2010 in the LeBron and Dwyane sweepstakes.
Of course this is Stephon Marbury we're talking about, so the drama doesn't end here. Not satisfied with the media attention that merely abandoning his team would cause, Marbury has also threatened to blackmail Isiah, stating, "Isiah has to start me. I've got so much [stuff] on Isiah and he knows it. He thinks he can [get] me. But I'll [get] him first. You have no idea what I know." What with Thomas' recent sexual harassment trial, one can only imagine the deliciously sordid tale Stephon has to tell. Was Isiah in the back of that van with Marbury and the intern? If so, how many slices of bologna were involved? Perhaps the two of them went R. Kelly on some underage ball-boys after practice. Either way, at least one of them was at one point confined in some sort of closet-like space.

Well That Sure Took A While

The pre-season darling Chicago Bulls finally got their first win of the season against the Douchetroit Pistons after losing their first four games, including gimmes to the 76ers and Bucks. The Bulls overcame Rasheed Wallace's 36 points and an inability to score in the paint, topping the Motor City Meatheads 97 - 93. Chicago has struggled thus far, partially due to the cloud of uncertainty created by the Kobe Bryant saga. At this point, nearly everyone on the team has been mentioned as possible pieces to be moved in order to gain Satan's services. In fact, at one point I think they mentioned literally trading entire teams. That way Kobe still wouldn't be happy with his squad, but at least he'd get the revenues from once again switching jerseys. Hopefully the whole deal eventually just gets wiped from the table, because the Bulls would certainly have to give up at least one of their young forwards, Joakim Noah and Tyrus Thomas, both of whom showed serious hustle last night; Thomas throwing down 19 points and pulling down 14 boards, and Noah squirting Batman with his acid bow-tie before flying away with his helicopter umbrella. The Bulls hope to keep the wins coming when they play Toronto on Saturday.

Hiatus To End Soon... Sort Of... Maybe.

So, I know a lot of you have been asking yourself, "What happened to my Nasty?" Well, fear not, the Nasty is still with you, just a little ridiculously busy. Postings will soon slowly begin to grace your lives with my special kind of genius once more, but probably not quite as frequently as you're used to. I know this means your personal human experience will be slightly less rich and fulfilling, but I believe adversity will build character within you and make you a stronger person in the end. So keep your chin up faithful reader, and till next time, here's a sexy cartoon to get you through the day.