This Is Getting Ridiculous

You can see the 465,000 other skrullified portraits and the lame animated trailer here. I don't know why anybody's getting all excited about these promo pictures though. Anybody major who gets revealed as a Skrull at this point won't have been one for very long. There's going to be a Skrull spaceship that crashes on Earth with a gang of green and pointies disguised as 70's style heroes with maybe one of them (rhymes with Luke Cage) actually being a real human. Other Skrulls will be Sue Storm, Wonder Man, Spider-Woman (because she's too obvious but Bendis isn't clever enough to have a red herring), Yellowjacket, and maybe one Wolverine. If any other X-men are, then it's Storm and maybe Angel because he's not important enough. Anyway, long story shot, the whole event is gonna be a big cop out because any big names that have ridged chins now are just going to be impersonated for an issue or two and probably without even being captured... like Double D in New Avengers or Ms. Marvel who has an impostor flying around the same time as she is. Of course I'll still be frantic with anticipation like a kid on Christmas Eve next Tuesday.

The Quick Stack

All-Star Superman #10
Holy crap, I thought they stopped publishing this. Glad they haven't though as this looks to soon be the only buyable book DC is putting out. It's also the greatest Superman story ever told... not that there's a lot to pick from. While it seems that the confines of DC continuity have shackled Grant Morrison to sinking ships with Batman and the Crisis, this All-Star re-imagining of Kal-El has allowed him to thrive on A.S.S. (A+)

Also, Frank Quitely needs to draw everything.

X-Men Legacy #209
And here I thought this was going to be twelve issues of flashbacks in a comatose Xavier's mind. The art and writing are solid, but it's still not exactly exciting and there aren't any characters I actually care about... you know, except Cargill. Wait, who? (B)

New Avengers #39
At least Hawkeye gets some tang in this one. The rest of the story is sort of a good prologue to SI as well. (B)

Mighty Avengers #11
You know, this whole arc might have been a little more enjoyable if it happened six months ago when it was supposed to. What with it having pretty much nothing to do with the big looming Secret Invasion, it's kind of hard to care. Also, it's pretty dumb and pointless and Bendis gives homage to his own story. (D)

New Warriors #10
Poop popsicle. (F)

Editor's Note: Haven't gotten around to Daredevil, Green Lantern, or Ultimates Spidey and Human yet, but it seems like they're all primed to be weak issues of normally strong series.

Black Thought

(By Me) New Roots album on April 29th.

Feel Like Throwing Up?

Watch this.

Creepiest. Thing. Ever.

The Quick Stack

Captain America #36
Is it wrong to like Cap using a gun so much? Is it wrong to think that the reveal at the end of the issue is coming all too soon? Bucky's Ultimate / John McClane / El Mariachi / Jason Bourne Captain America is actually turning out pretty damn tits. (A+)

Immortal Iron Fist #13
I can't tell you how happy it makes me to know that Brubaker and Fraction will soon be writing 90% of all Marvel comics. Please, somebody give them a damn Avenger book. This Fist ish is mostly setup, but a big payoff is looming. (A-)

Incredible Hercules #115
A youthful obsession with Greek mythology may make me somewhat bias, but this book is some tasty nectar. While Ares' whole loving father side from his mini-series seems to have been wiped from existence, this version of the character is definitely the most fun and "god of war" like so far. Hopefully the Skrulls and Eternals don't @#$% this one up. (A-)

The Order #9
I guess this is the second to last issue and everyone's going to die in the next one. I'm actually fine with that, because as much as I like Fraction's writing on the book, I don't really care about any of the characters and they don't seem to fit in the Marvel Universe anyway. The whole pantheon of the gods idea didn't really get any play either. (B)

Thor #7
Seven issues in and the only person he's sort of fought was Iron Man. And now he's sleeping. (C+)

Iron Man #27
Blah blah, Extremis, blah blah blah. This 32 issue arc is getting old. (C)

Captain Marvel #4
Just skip this Scientology bull@#$% and tell me if he's a Skrull or not. (D)

Amazing Spider-Man #554
Ugh. First of all, if a crystal meth lab caught on fire, it would @#$%ing explode. While OMD was probably the worst comic book story of all time and the whole premise of BND is horribly flawed, the first arc by Slott was actually not too shabby if you ignored everything surrounding it. The next arc, not so good, but mostly because of Jackpot and Ugly Goblin. This latest Bob Gale Freak nonsense, however, makes me want to throw up on my own face and actually watch the terror that is the Spectacular Spider-Man on Saturday morning. Please just put Slott on the book for all time and fix this feces. (F)

I Wish This Baby Was Gone From My Memory

Gone Baby Gone by Ben Affleck is quite the disaster of a movie. Oh, it starts off well enough as a straightforward reflection on Bostonian society and the white trash that populate it. Then the first third of the movie ends and its preposterous twists send it spiraling down the crapper. There isn't much point in taking the time to establish the believable real-world, down and dirty Dorchester with the myriad of "ugly" and "real" extras as its citizens if the plot turns into Law & Order: SVU on mushrooms. Between the carny coke-head molester family and Casey's lady-friend wanting to leave a little girl in the custody of a psychotic mastermind, the story loses any shred of believability it had. And I'm not buying Ben Affleck's directorial ability either, especially when he resorts to playing dialogue over montage scenes to get off the hook from having to actually do some storytelling. The overall acting is competent enough, but Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman are the only ones who seems to notice the absurdity of what their making, and they portray their characters as such. And while it's certainly entertaining to see Beadie, Omar, Silas Adams, and Iris Crowe in new rolls, not even a cast plucked from HBO's greatest hits could save this one. In fact it kind of sucks knowing Ben and I like the same TV shows. (D)

Happy Drunk Leprechaun Day!

The Quick Stack

Thunderbolts #119
Good @#$%. (A)

Avengers: The Initiative #10
@#$% just seems to constantly be going down at Camp Hammond as recruits continue to kick the bucket and change alliances. And the book is funny too. (A)

Wolverine #63
Somehow, the impossible has happened and there are two interesting Wolverine books at the same time. Origins still sucks, though. (A)

X-Factor #29
Emo Rictor's starting to get pretty annoying and as broken up as Madrox is supposed to be about Layla, he sure doesn't seem to be doing much. But, it's still the best X-book, and these days, that's actually saying something. (A)

Fantastic Four #555
Not a whole lot happened other than Johnny getting cowgirled by Random Super-Villain Chick With Green Hair. (It was green, right?) At least the FF will maybe fight a giant Captain America robot next issue. Also, according to Bryan Hitch, all females talk while sticking their tongue out. Still good though. (A-)

Last Defenders #1
Don't know why you would need She-Hulk and Colossus on the same team, but with the bit at the end about occult masters and water elements, it seems that at least one of them will probably be getting replaced by the featured characters of the books brief interludes. Overall, the book sort of has the fun vibe of MODOK's 11, but we'll have to see where it goes. (B)

Mighty Avengers #10
WTF was the point of that? Is Ultimate Peter Parker secretly under both Iron Man and Doctor Doom's armor? Does no one at Marvel realize how many times Tony Stark has been blown up or presumed dead in the past couple months? And isn't their time travel logic completely different that what it was in this piece of @#$%? (D)

If Only In Dreams

Two Days Till Devastation

The Wire. The final episode ever of the greatest television series of all time. Sunday night. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

The Quick Stack

Logan #1
(A+) This is the kind of feeling a book with a dream creative team is supposed to give you. While Millar and Romita were underwhelming in Kick-Ass, Vaughan and Risso are stunning in Logan, bringing Wolverine back to the brink of interesting.

Punisher War Journal #17
(A-) Wow, Matt Fraction sure did his homework on the Marvel universe. It's almost as if he was reading old Iron Man comics for some strange reason. These past couple single issue stories has been fairly entertaining character studies, even with Chaykin's scribble art and an extreme lack of Punisher.

Uncanny X-men #496
(B-) This whole hippie orgy thing is developing excruciatingly slowly as this issue leaves us in pretty much exactly the same place as the last one did. Also, it manages to spoil the ending of Astonishing X-men's current arc. Oh, and there's another bar fight involving Wolverine.

Green Lantern #28
(B-) While it's still the best super hero book DC puts out, lately GL seems to have forgotten that there isn't a Corps after the title. Of course, next month, the focus shift completely back to Hal... to retell his origin. Isn't that what the back of 52 was for? Anyway, not much happened in this one, just more colors popping up.

X-Force #2
(C) I guess since they can't kill teenagers anymore, Yost and Kyle have decided to do that other thing they love and resurrect shitty villains. With the big reveal at the end of this issue, it's hard to see how this book is going to end up being the strike force murder squad deal it was supposed to be. It looks more like Marvel's just trying to find a way to get Wolverine in the Guardians of the Galaxy.