Beer Fridays XXI

Russian River's Imperial / Double IPA is named after Pliny the Elder, a Roman scholar who helped give hops its botanical name, "Lupus Salictarius", which translates to wolf among scrubs. Pliny the beer definitely fits this description as well. Its double helping of hops gives it the claws to thrash through the inadequate competition of lesser Pale Ale's. It is fragrant, and malty, and borders on the sublime with 8% ABV and 90+ IBUs. Unfortunately, The Elder only comes on tap, which makes drinking it a rare and special occasion, like that super hot girl you met on instant messenger that lives far away but you fly out to see her every once and a while and totally wreck that @#$%. (A+)

The Lost Beer Fridays XX

Moylan's India Pale Ale is surprisingly hoppier than their masterpiece, Hopsickle. It is dry and spicy and pours a deep golden color. It is thinner and has less flavors to explore than its cousin, and only contains 6.5% ABV, but it's still a refreshing hit of bitter beauty. It may not be the first girl at the bar you ogle or accidentally grope on your way to the jukebox, but it is the one aggressive enough to ask for your number... or penis. Either way, you should give it to her. (B+)

New Comic Book Day XXI

It's that time of the week again, when Wednesday rears its beautiful head and the Comic Book Fairy comes down your chimney to hide long boxes in your living room. This week's box will hold the answer to several questions. Will The Brave And The Bold's second arc be as old school thrilling as its first? Will Checkmate continue to be the one decent in-continuity DC book that doesn't have Green Lanterns? Will Bucky escape the clutches of the Red Skull in time to don the ridiculous new black and chrome Cap suit? Will this next Marvel Zombies series finally put the nail in the coffin for this undead franchise that shockingly just won't die? What superhero pastiche will fornicate with what inappropriate person / object / woodland creature in the latest issue of The Boys? And finally, will we get to see Good Bendis, Bad Bendis, or Both? You see, Brian Bendis is the Rex Grossman of comics. Often times, he's throwing perfect touchdown passes with Powers and Ultimate Spider-Man, but he just as frequently tosses long bomb interceptions with anything he touches that says Avengers. With both the much delayed Mighty A's #5 and a new issue of Powers releasing this week, we will probably see both side of this comic-quarterback's coin. But, who knows, maybe he'll surprise us and throw a short slant in the end zone to Naked Ultron Girl's tight end. Get it, because tight end is a football position and a reference to her behind. Double entendre! Oh, and pick of the week goes to Brubaker's Cap #31, of course.

The NFL Abridged: Week VI

(STL 3 - BAL 22) Still no wins for the lowly Rams as they couldn't overcome their QB's six turnovers quite as well as the Cowboys last week.

(MIN 34 - CHI 31) Seriously, WTF was that? I don't even want to talk about it.

(MIA 31 - CLE 41) I wonder how much longer it will take for some Quinn trade rumors to start popping up. Chicago isn't far away Brady...

(WAS 14 - GB 17) Santana Moss put this one on himself and I can't say I blame him.

(HOU 17- JAC 37) The Jags continue to battle it out with the Titans for second place in the AFC South.

(CIN 20 - KC 27) Larry Johnson finally had a decent game. Gonzalez had a great one. Cincinnati is a tiger-striped pile of poop.

(PHI 16 - NYJ 9) I was very confused when I saw the Eagles playing the Wolverines and even more so that the Jets changed up their uniforms and didn't go with pink.

(TEN 10 - TB 13) Another dookilicious performance by the anointed one Young leaves the Booty Plunderers tied for first in the NFC South.

(CAR 25 - ARI 10) The other team leading that division? The Carolina Panthers, led by 68-year-old Vinny Testaverde.

(NE 48 - DAL 27) This weeks marquee matchup ended up being about what anyone would have guessed, the Boys getting steamrolled, T.O. and Moss about breaking even, and the Pats being douches and running up the score.

(OAK 14 - SD 28) LT finally gave fantasy owners what they were waiting for with four TDs and almost 200 yards on the ground... not that it's all that impressive against the Panty Raiders.

(NO 28 - SEA 17) The Saints came marching at last, getting their first win against the so-so Seahawks. Bush had a bunch of yards, but no touchdowns to ease the pain of the eventual loss of all his ill-gotten USC accolades. I wonder if they can still reverse the outcome of that ND game...

(NYG 31 - ATL 10) Shockingly, the Falcons are not good. The Lil' Giants are on a roll, but they only play JV so nobody really cares.

Raise Your Glass In Celebration...

...For the 27th anniversary of the Nasty Nation!

New Comic Book Day XX

This week in comics, we'll get World War Hulk tie-ins galore, more New Warriors getting blown up, delightful X-Factor goodness, and the Sinestro War hitting Earth. If that weren't enough, in New Avengers, we'll get the two most overexposed characters of the 90's fused into one, as a Venom symbiote will apparently look to take over Wolverine, bringing Bendis' 8th grade cream dream to fruition. Pick of the week honors go to Joss Whedon's Runaways #28 as fans will look to squeeze as much enjoyment out of this beloved book as they can before Humberto Ramos turns it into some malproportioned manga splooge. On a side note, I'll feel a lovely tingle across my skin as I pass by the DC rack and neglect to pick up the latest issue of Countdown. Breaking the bonds of its insistent and overreaching mediocrity has given me a new appreciation for freedom and liberty.

The NFL Abridged: Week V

(MIA 19 - HOU 22) The flopping Dolphins still have yet to win a game, but if Ricky Williams comes back people may actually talk about them on TV.

(JAC 17 - KC 7) The Chiefs only score came with no time left in an already decided game and LJ continues to stab Fantasy owners in the soul, racking up twelve whole yards on the ground.

(CLE 17 - NE 34) The Douchingtons failed to score 38 and Randy Moss didn't get a touchdown. Also, Tom Brady ate a piece of poo. There's some sort of humble pie thing going on as well.

(CAR 16 - NO 13) Boilermaker's Disease kills.

(NYJ 24 - NYG 35) Yankees suck.

(SEA 0 - PIT 21) Big Ben and company got back on track, despite the injuries, by taking absolute control of time and space against the Latte Lovers.

(ARI 34 - STL 31) What a great week for USC fans! And as an added bonus, we all may soon once again be enjoying the Bart Simpson styled hair of Mrs. Warner.

(DET 3 - WAS 34) Jason Campbell and Washington are starting to look legit and Antwaan Randle El filled in well for Moss before his hamstring injury.

(ATL 13 - TEN 20) Shockingly, a QB controversy is starting to build in Atlanta. Vince Young didn't look so hot either, tossing three picks and no scores.

(TB 14 - IND 33) Missing three of its key players, the Blue Horse still steamrolled the Peg Legs, with backup tailback Kenton Keith picking up 121 yards and two touchdowns. Due to their week six bye, Harrison, Addai, and Sanders will get an extra week of rest before taking on the Jags. Of course, everyone in the media is still giving handjobs to the Patriots.

(SD 41 - DEN 3) Denver's defense is shockingly awful and their offense may loose Travis "High Sperm Count" Henry to the sticky icky. Meanwhile, LT continues to look more like Clark Kent than the man in tights.

(BAL 9 - SF 7) Dilfer vs. McNair was exactly the high-scoring clash of titans you would expect from these seasoned gunslingers.

(CHI 27 - GB 20) I'm not sure how it happened, but the Bears somehow took down the previously undefeated Packers. Five turnovers helped, but Favre still had a chance to tie at the end with his Hail Mary chuck. After the game, Lovie Smith actually uttered the words, "We liked our quarterback play."

(DAL 25 - BUF 24) WTF? Seriously, WTF? Howdy Doody turned the ball over six times! Six! Two of his interceptions were for touchdowns and Buffalo even ran back a kickoff. Yet somehow, the Boys stay unbeaten for one more week.

Beer Fridays XIX

Affligem's Tripel is a delightful and straightforward strong Belgian Blonde. It is pleasant and sweet with a dash of hops and a fruity aroma. Its golden body is somewhat creamy and has a well masked ABV of 8.5%.
It has a bubbly, sunshiny personality, but an ultimately fulfilling finish. Drinking it is probably sort of like getting it on with Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. She's not going to bust out some groundbreaking taboo skinbasket move, but she will be enthusiastic and satisfying. Now Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins? That's some 2 girls 1 cup @#$% right there. (B)

Expletive Expletive Expletive

Ok, so the Cubs are now officially in trouble, and the premature benching of Zambrano is looking more and more nitwitish. Chicago now has to win three games in a row against the surging Diamondback or be tossed from the playoffs. As if their post-season fizzling wasn't depressing enough, I had to wake up to the asinine ESPN's First Take and listen to Mr. 756 AKA Mike "Douchetard" Bacsik criticizing the fact that Ted Lilly threw his mitt on the ground after giving up a home run. This coming from the guy who was clearly more than happy to let Barry Bonds get the all time record breaking dinger off him, thus solidifying years of exposure and commentator jobs. Bacsik went so far as to say that Lilly acted like a ten-year-old when he tossed the glove in anger. Well, excuse me @#$%wad. Some people who play sports are actually competitive and passionate about what they do. Some people don't like to give up homers to get on TV and in the record books. You, Mr. Bacsik, are a whore. You have no right to criticize anyone for showing an emotion other than dimwitted jolliness. Just because you like to bend over and let Barry shove his steroid shrunken penis up the @$$ of baseball history doesn't mean other people need to smile and give someone a high-five for violating their anus. Eat a @#$% Mike.

New Comic Book Day XIX

It's a decidedly sparse Wednesday in Comictown today, with a measly smattering of books drizzling down on humanity. Dini finally swerves back to Detective Comics... but to tell a story from Countdown. There's more Sinestro War in Green Lantern Corps and Cyborg Superman, but if the Superman one is anything like the Parallax tale, it won't be worth the eye strain required to read it.
Marvel's only dropping a couple buyables themselves, but at least they should be somewhat more entertaining since they include the incomparable Brubaker's underwhelming Uncanny and the pick o' the week, MODOK's 11 #4... because it's MODOK.

The NFL Abridged: Week IV

(HOU 16 - ATL 26) Houston is officially back down to earth after their 2-0 start and Joey claims to have found his flow in the ATL... which will last about three minutes into the Falcons' next game.

(NYJ 14 - BUF 17) Damn, the Patriots sure have some stiff competition in the AFC East.

(BAL 13 - CLE 27) The Brady Quinn clock continues to get pushed back and B-more continues to crumble.

(STL 7 - DAL 35) The Cowboys go to 4-0 by beating the irrelevant Rams and now everyone thinks Howdy Doody is suddenly the next Brett Favre.

(CHI 27 - DET 37) Whatever. Griese's three interceptions still somehow seemed more impressive than Grossman's three interceptions last week. Bring on the Jack Daniels baby!

(OAK 35 - MIA 17) Daunte got his groove back with two passing TDs and three, count 'em, three rushing touchdowns. Look for his knee to explode by midweek while picking up the newspaper.

(GB 23 - MIN 16) Congratulations, Brett. You got a record that will last about two years. But seriously, good for you.

(TB 20 - CAR 7) Tampa is on top for now, but the loss of Cadillac does not bode well for the deck swabbers.

(SEA 23 - SF 3) Didn't everybody say the Niners were supposed to be the sleeper team of the year? Something tells me Trent Dilfer won't be waking them up anytime soon.

(PIT 14 - ARI 21) Whisenhunt got his revenge as the Steelers finally got a loss in the battle of the missing receivers.

(DEN 20 - IND 38) Indy continues to roll and everyone continues to praise the Pats. Hopefully Marvin will be ready to go against the Bucs next week.

(KC 30 - SD 16) Time is running out for the fizzling Bolts as every aspect of their team seems to have deteriorated under Norv's guiding hand of craptitude.

(PHI 3 - NYG 16) That's more like the Donovan I know. Although, in all fairness, the injured Brian Westbrook is normally about 96% of the Eagles' offense.

(NE 34 - CIN 13) And the douche keeps on douching.

Congratulations Cubs, And Thank You For Distracting Us From The Bears

Well, they've actually done it. The Chicago Cubs sucked slightly less than the Brewers down the stretch and have won the National League Central, securing their fist playoff berth since the '03 Bartman debacle. The Cubs finished just two games in front of Milwaukee and will open the NLDS against Arizona on Wednesday. While the team has been wildly inconsistent this year, Alfonso Soriano has been steadily hot in September, hitting 14 homers and setting a new club record for the month. If he can keep up the pace and Zambrano is finally over his contract hangover, perhaps all the money Chicago spent this year will be worth it and will bring some happiness to a city reeling from the damage inflicted by the deadly Sex Cannon.

Belated Beer Fridays XVIII

Stone's 11th Anniversary Ale is the rarest of creations. It is described as a black IPA (or IBA) and is a challenge to the palate, boasting a fistful of hops followed by a roasted, almost bittersweet coffee flavor. This strange and delicious mix of citrus and dark malt is extremely refreshing and carries with it an 8.7% ABV. It is a powerful, wonderful, and unique beer, like a Suicide Girl with good hygiene and an oral fixation. (A+)