Thursday, May 31, 2007

Who's The Biggest A-hole?

In the day and age where sports reporting has become mostly tabloid, with very little coverage of actual game-play, the not-so-professional behavior of professional athletes is constantly exposed, nay, hammered non-stop, over and over again into the collective conscious of every fan in the world. Needless to say, this leads us to discover that many of these athletes are total a-holes. But which a-hole defecates most on the fabric of society, you ask? Clearly, the answer changes on a day to day basis and is probably dependent on the season, but the following is a breakdown of the largest sports sphincters at the moment.

Alex Rodriguez
Cheats on wife with ugly washed up strippers (A-Rod likes the she-male, muscular type), yells at infielders to distract them (along with several other instances of bush league plays), and generally sucks when it matters.
A-hole index

Kobe Bryant

Wants to abandon team that sucks because he sent their best player away, gives up in the middle of crucial playoff games, cheats on hot wife and is dumb enough not to pay the girl upfront.
A-hole index

Barry Bonds
Ruins the legacy of one of sport's greatest records, is a general dick to anyone that asks him a question, has a girly voice.
A-hole index

Ron Mexico
Has a dog fighting ring, tries to sneak pot on airplanes in a water bottle, gives herpes away like candy canes at Christmas.
A-hole index

Self explanatory.
A-hole index

Floyd Landis
Cheats at a bike race and raises $50,000 to clear his name by going around the county preaching self righteous garbage, then threatens to expose someone's childhood molestation to stop them from testifying about said cheating.
A-hole index

Honorable Mentions: Roger Clemens / Curt Schilling tandem, Mark Cuban (If for nothing else than this whole new football league nonsense), The entire Detroit Pistons, David Stern, Bruce Bowen / Robert Horry tandem, Pacman Jones (but he's so damned amusing), Ricky Williams (just has different priorities), John Starks (completely irrelevant today, but may be biggest a-hole of all time)


rayna said...

ron mexico. Ron Mexico! RON MEXICO!!! As you know, dog fighting trumps any other a-holey behavior.

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