What was once ESPN's answer to the sickeningly cutesy, yet somewhat watchable morning show, has become an awkward disaster of mythical proportions. At least when the show was Cold Pizza, the format made some sort of sense. They had their little "news" stories, their interviews chock full of shameless advertising, and of course, the only reason anyone watched, 1st and 10 with the delightfully cold-hearted Skip Bayless. They were based in New York City and the set resembled a nice and homey uptown loft, as opposed to Satan's neon newsroom. Now based in Bristol and renamed First Take, the show has gone for more of a Fox News feel and has adopted the same vomit inducing look as SportsCenter. Unfortunately for the show, these are the least of their problems. Since the changeover, there has been an ever revolving roster of hosts, ruining any chance of stability. The conspiracy theory is that this is due to the ominous cloud of a pending sexual harassment suit by a make-up artist against former Cold Pizza personalities, Woody Paige and Jay Crawford. The days of that Road Rules chick and the ass fondling Woody are long gone, but it seems that his infatuation with the round and bouncy haunts First Take to this day. Crawford and Dana Jacobson are supposed to be the current hosts, but ever since the harassment charges were levied, Jacobson seems to have fallen off the face of the Earth (not necessarily a bad thing), with Crawford himself having gone mysteriously MIA in the last couple weeks. There's only so many times a host can go on "vacation" before it starts to smell fishy. By the way, it's a truly shocking development that a sports related network full of former athletes would ever have sexual shenanigans take place in its studios. Now what are we left with in the absence of Jay and Dana? Michelle Bonner and the admittedly easy on the eyes Sage Steele having giggle-fests over Wonder Woman and Venus Williams' legs while poor Fred Hickman stands in the corner reading newspaper headlines and wondering why he ever signed up for that damned sports anchor contest in the first place. Seriously, these two can barely read a teleprompter and it feels like nails are being driven into every inch of my esophagus when they try to ad-lib. Don't get me wrong, it's not like the show was ever the pinnacle of infotainment, but there's only so many times I can watch the same SportCenter loop over and over; and when I switch over to the deuce (ESPN2), this is the last thing I need to start my day. ESPN probably won't be retooling the show again anytime soon, but once they find new permanent hosts or the old ones return, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT hire make-up girls who mind giving lap dances and having their asses pinched by horny loudmouths with old balls! If I'm going to detest the show, I'd at least like a consistent face to blame.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
The Unholy Mess That Is ESPN's First Cold And Ten Pizza Take
What was once ESPN's answer to the sickeningly cutesy, yet somewhat watchable morning show, has become an awkward disaster of mythical proportions. At least when the show was Cold Pizza, the format made some sort of sense. They had their little "news" stories, their interviews chock full of shameless advertising, and of course, the only reason anyone watched, 1st and 10 with the delightfully cold-hearted Skip Bayless. They were based in New York City and the set resembled a nice and homey uptown loft, as opposed to Satan's neon newsroom. Now based in Bristol and renamed First Take, the show has gone for more of a Fox News feel and has adopted the same vomit inducing look as SportsCenter. Unfortunately for the show, these are the least of their problems. Since the changeover, there has been an ever revolving roster of hosts, ruining any chance of stability. The conspiracy theory is that this is due to the ominous cloud of a pending sexual harassment suit by a make-up artist against former Cold Pizza personalities, Woody Paige and Jay Crawford. The days of that Road Rules chick and the ass fondling Woody are long gone, but it seems that his infatuation with the round and bouncy haunts First Take to this day. Crawford and Dana Jacobson are supposed to be the current hosts, but ever since the harassment charges were levied, Jacobson seems to have fallen off the face of the Earth (not necessarily a bad thing), with Crawford himself having gone mysteriously MIA in the last couple weeks. There's only so many times a host can go on "vacation" before it starts to smell fishy. By the way, it's a truly shocking development that a sports related network full of former athletes would ever have sexual shenanigans take place in its studios. Now what are we left with in the absence of Jay and Dana? Michelle Bonner and the admittedly easy on the eyes Sage Steele having giggle-fests over Wonder Woman and Venus Williams' legs while poor Fred Hickman stands in the corner reading newspaper headlines and wondering why he ever signed up for that damned sports anchor contest in the first place. Seriously, these two can barely read a teleprompter and it feels like nails are being driven into every inch of my esophagus when they try to ad-lib. Don't get me wrong, it's not like the show was ever the pinnacle of infotainment, but there's only so many times I can watch the same SportCenter loop over and over; and when I switch over to the deuce (ESPN2), this is the last thing I need to start my day. ESPN probably won't be retooling the show again anytime soon, but once they find new permanent hosts or the old ones return, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT hire make-up girls who mind giving lap dances and having their asses pinched by horny loudmouths with old balls! If I'm going to detest the show, I'd at least like a consistent face to blame.
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