30 Runs... Just So You Know, I Totally Called That

Tuesday night, the Disneyland Angels crapped on the Yankees 18-9. "18," I said, "That's a lot of runs, but still not enough to make the Angels the slightest bit interesting. You know what would really be something?" I pondered as my inner monologue continued, "30 runs. Now THAT would be something." Apparently my reality altering powers were in full swing, because low and behold, come Wednesday night the Texas Rangers drop the big three zero on the Orioles in a 30-3 romperstomping of legendary proportions. Of course, I don't yet have total control over my abilities, or else it would have been the Cubs or Chi Sox doing the damage. I will have you know, however, that the only team to ever score more runs in a game is the Cubs, who put up 36 against Louisville in 1897. In truth, they were known as the Colts at the time, but they were still in Chicago.
The Baltimore Orioles actually led at the outset last night, scoring the first three runs of the game. The Rangers didn't break through till the fourth, scoring five in that inning and then putting up nine in the sixth. And seeing as an eleven run lead clearly isn't enough to make your opponent decide he's no longer a man and end up in fishnets and pumps on Santa Monica Blvd., they scored ten more times in the eighth and really peed in the wound in the ninth with another six footprints on home plate. All this from a team tied for the second worst record in the American League.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia was the big star of the game, tallying four hits, two homers, and seven RBI. Who knew someone named after a stomach virus could be so good? Were Saltycaca and the Rangers being jerks for continuing to run up the score? Probably, but they're from Texas, what do you expect? And Baltimore shouldn't worry about it too much, a new season of The Wire is right around the corner. Who needs baseball when you've got Omar Little.