The Shaq And Penny Show Returns To The FLA

Better dust off that copy of Blue Chips because Anfernee Hardaway has signed with the Miami Heat, reuniting him with the Big Diesel, who has been less than supportive of Penny in the past. In case you're keeping track, Hardaway hasn't played a game since November of 2005. This now brings the average age of the Heat to 57 and increases their 'washed-up' factor exponentially. If Payton actually returns alongside Hardaway, Shaq, and Zo it'll basically be VH1's "I Love The 90's", only somehow, even sadder. Maybe they can convince Grand Mama to come out of retirement. And it's not like White Chocolate Williams and Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Walker are spring chickens either. They were at their primes at the same time as Monica Lewinsky. Of course, not to be outdone, the Knicks may actually resign Allan Houston, becoming the first NBA team to have a real life paraplegic on their team. This dude was parking in handicap spots when I was watching Darkwing Duck. Man, that Launchpad McQuack could fly anything. And speaking of retro man crushes, that whole Reggie Miller thing is just a nasty rumor started by Larry Bird to distract Indiana fans from the fact that he's about to trade Jermaine O'Neal for Andrew Bynum and his wireless Guitar Hero controller.