This Is The Only Conceivable Situation In Which I Will Cheer The Downfall Of People Who Make Beer

Aramis Ramirez, temporary king of Chicago, hit a two out, two run walk-off home run in the bottom of the ninth Friday to cap a delicious Cub comeback against their rival Milwaukee Brewers. Milwaukee was spotted five runs in the top of the first, but never scored again. Ramirez also crossed the plate earlier in the game on a Gallardo wild pitch. The Cubs have now won seven straight to pull within 6.5 games of the Lager Lovers. They will attempt to close the gap further over the weekend.

Beer Fridays VI

From the Scottish cauldrons of the Broughton Brewery comes Merlin's Ale, an elixir that transports you to a mystical realm of wenches, trolls, and nerds with its temptingly smooth and crisp flavor. This apple and pear saturated thirst quencher is somewhat flat, but fills ones belly with a certain calm after a dangerous quest of slaying dragons and pulling swords from stones to pick the locks of comely maidens' chastity belts. It is an unaggressive brew of sweet malt that can be enjoyed by wizards and warriors alike, but could use some added bite for the more rugged hero. (C+)

Harvey Gets His Wings Clipped

Adult Swim's "Harvey Birdman", the show that brought us a Mafia Don Fred Flintstone and an Apache Chief with a growing problem, will air its final episode this July, making way for more Robot Chicken Star Wars reruns. Seth and Breckin are hilarious, people. The voices of a generation, I tell you. Let's just hope Harvey meets Frisky Dingo in heaven. I miss you Killface.

Mark Cuban Reaches New Heights As Grand Puba Of Douchebaggery

Indiana University's most shameful graduate, Mark Cuban is now apparently suing Don Nelson. Why, you may ask? Because Don Nelson's Warriors beat Cuban's Mavericks in the playoffs. Marky Mark allegedly claims Nelson had intimate knowledge of the Mavs, due to him being the former coach of the team, and used this confidential information to beat them. Dude, I can tell you which way Dirk Nowitzki likes to drive to the basket. In five minutes on Wikipedia, I could probably tell you Josh Howard's favorite brand of jimmy hat. Actually, I better not post this without getting a lawyer.

Yes, This IS The Face Of The Next Chicago Bull

As the guy from Free Darko put it, "You look like every single Batman villain rolled up into one." Either that or the butler of Pee Wee's playhouse. Or the love child of Sideshow Bob and Napoleon Dynamite. Or the lining of my old couch cushion slipcovers. Hey, if Rodman worked out, why can't this entertaining bastard?

Is This The Face Of The Next Chicago Bull?

Or more importantly, is this the face of his mom? MILFtastic status of Joakim Noah's mother aside, the NBA Draft is tonight and while the shocking news has come that Portland plans to select Greg Oden with the number one pick, there are still plenty of questions concerning picks three and up to be answered. Boston may be the biggest wild card and may even swap the pick, but what they do could severely effect Chicago's decision. Unless they make a trade, the Bulls will definitely be taking the best big man available. The big Chinese dude will probably be gone by then and if they go more for offensive capabilities, which they need like Nicole Richie needs a cookie, Spencer Hawes may be their choice. Joakim Noah, however, may also still be on the board. He has the hustle play Chicago coach Scott Skiles desires and would have probably been the number two pick if he declared last year, but he really doesn't have low post scoring skills. Although one thing he does have is the ability to give Jalen Rose level post game interviews. With a mostly straight edge locker room, he may be just the thing the Bulls need to get some more SportsCenter time, which we all know is far more important than winning.

Thomas Hurts Number 500

Frank "The Big Hurt" Thomas hit his 500th dinger Thursday morning off of Minnesota's Carlos Silva. The Metrodome gave him a standing "O" and Toronto players came on to the field to congratulate the future Hall of Famer. The feat is a little bittersweet, however, without the soothingly familiar sound of Hawk Harrelson's patented home run catch phrase. Just know, Big Frank, that you've put the heart of White Sox fans on the board forever. Yes! Thanks, Ken Williams. You've clearly done a great job this year.

And Just In Case You Haven't Seen It... The Landlord

Good Cop, Baby Cop

Bleep Vitale Is Obscene

So, what with the NBA draft coming up tomorrow, I somehow stumbled upon the official Fox Sports 2006 NBA Draft Drinking Game. A lot of it is fairly irrelevant, seeing as it's from last year, but it is somewhat amusing, I guess. However, the one single bit of comedy gold is purely unintentional. Fox's website actually censored the first name of a certain over-caffeinated college basketball commentator with the word "BLEEP". If you click the "BLEEP", you can turn off the censorship and Dick is revealed in all his glory. That's awesome baby!

UPDATED: Agent Zero To Need The Plane Spotting Services Of French-Filipino Midget

Cover boy of NBA Live '08 and most entertaining sports personality of the decade, Gilbert Arenas recently stated that after returning from vacation in Tahiti, he is seriously considering buying his own island. If Diana Ross and Marvin Brando had their own, why can't Agent Zero? (That's right, he said Marvin Brando.) Gilbert sleeps in high-altitude simulation chambers and throws 42-zillion-dollar birthday parties, so this really doesn't come as much of a shock; I just hope it really happens. Knowing him, he'll install a three mile margarita slip n' slide, the obstacle course from Ninja Warrior, and a fifty-foot tall solid gold statue of Beyonce's ass.

Nash And Nowitzki Are Total Hosers, Eh?

Needing beer money last weekend, Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki tried to convince the Elsinore Brewery's manager that they found a mouse in one of their bottles. Instead of merely getting free beer, they were given jobs inspecting bottles on the line. Unbeknownst to them, Elsinore's evil Brewmeister had been putting a secret formula in the beer to control the patients of a neighboring mental institution. Through the sonic cues of a stadium organ he forced them to play hockey dressed up as Stormtroopers. The Brewmeister planned on using his formula for world domination by putting it in a free tank of beer headed for Octoberfest, but his plans were foiled by Steve, Dirk, former hockey great Jean LeRose, and a flying dog dressed up as a skunk.

Only Greatness Equals Greatness II

New Comic Book Day VI

This is a heavy buy week, with plenty of World War Hulk and hopefully some X-goodness. The show-stealer, however, is sure to be Immortal Iron Fist #6. With the combined forces of Matt Fraction and Ed Brubaker at the helm, you can hardly go wrong. This issue is the grand finale of "The Last Iron Fist Story" and is sure to be packed with plenty of mystical corporate kung-fu and sexy asian bird chicks.

Everybody For Everybody Or: How To Piss Off As Many NBA Superstars As Possible At Once

Four NBA teams with disgruntled stars are trying to make a deal. Unfortunately, in the unlikely event that it goes through as planned, all four stars may have even more reason to be cranky babies. The proposed deal would send Kevin Garnett from the Wolves to the Lakers, Jermaine O'Neal from the Pacers to the Celtics, Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum from Los Angeles to Indiana, and a bag full of doodie (Theo Ratliff, Gerald Green, and Sebastian Telfair) and Boston's number five pick to Minnesota. The Wolves, however, would likely hold out for Al Jefferson before okaying the deal. There are already two big problems with all this. First, Jermaine O'Neal hates Celtics director of basketball operations Danny Ainge with the fire of a thousand suns (and an unhappy JO would make an unhappy Paul Pierce); and secondly, even if the Lakers landed KG, Kobe would still want out. Also in the running for Garnett's services are the Dallas Mavericks, who apparently don't have enough perimeter big men who can't carry their team to a championship. One positive note to come from all this is that Bulls GM John Paxson text messaged (that's right, text messaged) Kobe Bryant, telling him not to expect Chicago to try and acquire him. The Bulls were on the short list of Kobe's desired destinations, but Paxson was reluctant to break up his young nucleus and sell his soul to the devil.

Can The Cubs Ever Just Win A Normal Game?

The Chicago Cubs led 8-3 going into the top of the ninth Monday night against the Colorado Rockies. And then, the suck that is the Chicago bullpen did what it does best, letting the Mile High Club pile on six runs to take a 9-8 lead. After the Troy Tulowitzki three-run homer that scored runs seven through nine, a flabbergasted fan rushed the field to berate Cubs reliever Bob Howry. The fan, who really can't be found at fault in all this, was brought down by a flying tackle from security guard Anton Migursky while apparently trying to call for time. Miraculously, however, the Cubbies were able to recover from their colossal collapse with two outs in the bottom of the ninth when Kaz Matsui bungled a ground ball, failing to end the game. With the bases now loaded, Soriano The Great got his first hit of the contest, a two-run single that won the near travesty some might call a baseball game. Afterwards, when asked about his would-be attacker, Howry said, "He said, 'What are you doing?' I said, 'I'm out here trying to give up home runs. What do you think?'" Unfortunately, Howry was completely serious.

In Case There Is Any Confusion...

...In the matter of Laurence Maroney's fantastical level of ridiculousness. Exhibit A, Exhibit B, and Exhibit C.

Tanked

The Chicago Bears released defensive tackle Tank Johnson today in response to his continuing legal troubles. Tank, who was already suspended for half of the upcoming season, was pulled over by police in Arizona for barely speeding, and arrested, but not charged for a "DUI Impaired to the Slightest Degree". I'm not sure how "slight" we're talking exactly, but I sure hope it was more than a wine cooler's worth, cuz that'd be one expensive Kool-Aid. It would seem Johnson's getting the shaft here, but his earlier charges include misdemeanor gun possession on the same night of his bodyguard's murder, and subsequent possession of six unregistered firearms, a violation of his probation for the other gun charge. Tank likes guns, and beef jerky. And speaking of Kool-Aid and NFL players, Laurence Maroney is a ridiculous human being.

North Smacks Up South With Traditional Wackiness; South To Surrender At Appomattox

The Chicago Cubs swept their crosstown rival White Sox with a 3-0 win yesterday. Of course, the series could not be complete without possibly the most bonkerific play of the year. In the eighth inning, an apparent double play run down due to dip@#$% running by Felix Pie was called back due to dip@#$% baserunner interference by Juan Uribe. The Wizard of Oz was tossed and the Cubs scored on a sacrifice. Meanwhile, Alfonso Soriano homered in all three games, continuing to earn his forty-two billion dollar paycheck. After the game, White Sox manager Ken Williams stated, "Something's got to happen. I'm tired of watching this." He then went on to resign Michael Jordan and Bo Jackson, trade Mark Buehrle to Cleveland for Charlie Sheen, give up Dye and Konerko for Andruw Jones and a pack of Zig-Zags, and talk more @#$% about Frank Thomas.

Only Greatness Equals Greatness

Should I Be Happy, Or Sad?

The shooting of Indiana Jones IV has begun, as evidenced by this here photograph by Steven Spielberg. Han Solo looks as young and dashing and clown-faced-anorexic-girl-dating as ever. (I would make a Raiders of the Lost Colostomy Bag joke here if I didn't love him so much. Or Temple of Prunes. The Last Crusade for Werther's Originals? No? Kali Ma to you then!)

Beer Fridays V

A bock is a strong, generally dark and malty beer traditionally brewed by German monks to substitute for meals during their fast for Lent. A Doppelbock is pretty much the same thing with a higher alcohol content. Paulaner Salvator Doppelbock is a horny big breasted BBW whose jubblies will barely fit in your mouth. Its taste is that of October; pumpkin and caramel and the fallen orange leaves of an old oak tree; a rich, sweet yet smokey cream that you can nearly chew. It is a generous old-world liebchen best saved for a cool night and a hearty repast, so it's fitting that I review it on the second day of summer. Ich liebe dich meine Salvator. (B+)

Ear Candy III

Mike Jones + Air = La Femme D'Monsieur Jones (mp3 via zshare)

To The Backboard, To The Wall, To The Sweat Drop Down My Basketball...

Kenny Anderson, fourteen year old NBA veteran and the second overall pick in 1991 is now a head coach... in the CBA... for the Atlanta (deap breath) Krunk. That's right, K-R-U-N-K, Krunk. For those who don't know, Krunk is generally used to describe a fun or enjoyable time normally brought on with the use of severe intoxication. The team was originally known as the Atlanta Krunk Wolverines, so, you know, this is much less dangerous. Something tells me this franchise is destined for greatness. I can't wait to see the mascot. I bet it's Bone Crusher, or maybe some Voltron-like formation of the Ying Yang Twins. They actually tried to get Lil John to be the PA announcer but he's already part owner in the Georgia Skeet.

New Comic Book Day V Update

LAME. LAME. And some more LAME. X-men: Endangered Species is LAME. The X-men go to a funeral. Whose funeral could it be? Will we flash back to see the death of an X-man? Um, no. The funeral is for a random mutant we've never seen before and it fills all thirty-some pages of this super sized pooptacular. Wait, I lied. At the end there is some sort of light coming out of a cloud. Oh, @#$%! It must be Galactus from FF2. Basically, the whole issue is various X-people having whiney conversations about how much it sucks that there are hardly any mutants left. The only bright spots are the art and Madrox The Multiple Man volunteering to repopulate their race on his own. Hulk and Captain America better be good. (D-)

Lord, Save Us From The Flames

Daniel Edwards, the artist behind the super creepy pregnant Britney statue, now brings the world Paris Hilton Autopsy. This fantabulous Interactive PSA, complete with tiara-wearing Chihuahua and abortable dumpster baby, was created to promote a safe prom and warn against the dangers of drunk driving. On an amusing note, The Vapid One apparently actually had commissioned Edwards for a sculpture of herself that would go somewhere on the Sunset Strip. I wonder if she'd be down with a fifty foot version of this. Actually, I shouldn't give her any ideas.

New Comic Book Day V

This week is sure to be pretty solid with new issues of Captain America and Incredible Hulk, not to mention another installment of DC's new Brave And The Bold series. The highlight, however, is sure to be X-men: Endangered Species. The fate of the entire mutant race is at stake in Marvel's latest mutant event, an event still shrouded in mystery. Is an X-man truly dead as the cover would have us believe? What are Mr. Sinister's sinister plans of sinistrosity? Will we finally see the end of the living hemorrhoid that is Gambit? Let's hope Endangered Species starts to answer those questions and more.

Bye Bye Barrett

Embattled Cubs catcher, Michael Barrett was shipped out to the Padres today for Rob Bowen and an outfield prospect. Apparently Mike wasn't in very high demand, seeing as the Cubs also had to pay the Mighty Monks to take him. Barrett was constantly bickering with his own pitchers and getting into wimpy fist fights in a desperate attempt to compensate for the fact that he's not as cool as AJ Pierzynski. Chicago management was also probably afraid of future therapy costs to deal with Barrett's battered wife syndrome. Unfortunately, this means that from now on, the Large Mammal will have to fly all the way to San Diego to get his wallop on.

Marvel Indie Anthology

Newsarama has new preview pages from Marvel's upcoming five-issue limited series of awesomeness. (The basic concept is that Indie artists + Marvel properties = cool.)

Fantastic Four: The Deuce Is Dropped

Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer came out last weekend, and I have to say, it isn't terrible. Don't get me wrong, it isn't good, but it is pleasantly quaint if you can get over the fact that Doctor Doom sounds like he's actually talking out of his anus and is, for no real reason, cured of all horrible facial scarring. The whole power switching thing and the fact that Galactus is nothing more than a grumpy cloud are also pretty lame (I'm not sure when he and the Absorbing Man from Hulk became the same character), but hey, you get to see Reed doing the rubber band man with some GDs on the dance floor, and I'm pretty sure you can make out Jessica Alba's flaming nipples when she torches out. Johnny Storm is pretty much the focus of the movie, which is good seeing as he has the most personality, and the Surfer doesn't look half bad. At the very least, his Morpheus voice is way cooler than Doom's. All in all, the movie is mildly amusing, unintelligent fun, until it takes a tragic turn with the gruesome death of Detective Frank Pembleton. He will be missed. (C)

This Man's Love For Cheap Perfume and Plastic Boobies Is Utterly Phantasmagorical

No, this isn't a reprinting of a six month old story. After being suspended for the entire 2007 NFL season, Adam "Pacman" Jones was indeed back in Vegas, at a strip club, at 4 a.m., and once again, glocks were popped. Granted, The Ghost Gobbler was apparently not present when shots were fired, but it was his entourage that was involved and he is wanted for questioning. This is the guy who causes stripper riots by making it rain, then gets a lap dance on the way to his disciplinary meeting for said incidents. I'm thinking he must have some chemical imbalance in his brain that can only be treated with the infamous scent of stripper fume. Somehow, that intoxicating mixture of tulips, strawberries, sweat, and shame settles those misfiring synapses in his naughty nugget. If he ever plays another game, the Titans should buy the ball some time in the VIP room at Deja Vu before tip-off. Dude would never let that pigskin go.

Creepiest Picture Ever

(From Big Happy Funhouse)

Happy Father's Day

(From Big Happy Funhouse)

Now He's Just @#$%ing With You

First he's a Laker for life, then he wants to blow up the team, then he wants to be traded, then he once again swears allegiance to LA. Guess what? As of a Friday night meeting in Spain, Kobe Bean has pulled a Harvey Dent yet again, this time directly demanding a trade from Lakers owner Rip Taylor. Tomorrow, look for Bryant to go door to door to each home in Los Angeles and punch every child under the age of twelve in the gut.

The Large Mammal Gets Shafted

The stage for drama was set early Saturday morning when Derrek Lee got tossed for throwing a haymaker after Chris "The Bitch" Young smashed him with a dirty pitch (in apparent retaliation for Soriano showboating in the last game). After a benches clearing brawl, Carlos Zambrano went on to throw a no-no through seven, even helping his own cause with some amazing fielding. Unfortunately, Marcus Giles hit a piece of poop chopper over the mound for an infield single in the eighth. The only actual run Z gave up during his complete game was a solo homer to Branyan in the ninth. Of course, without their best hitter, the Cubs were unable to overcome even the most pathetic of leads, sporting a goose egg in the run column as the disastrous game came to a close.

Beer Fridays IV

Moinette Blond is a deep golden Belgian with a head of fluffy white clouds. It manages to be spicy, yet smoothly refreshing at the same time with its yeasty citrus flavor. Each lemony mouthful fills you with the memory of a warm spring day in your grandmother's flower garden, or a barnyard romp in the summer hay with the straw haired girl next door. Oh, the things that straw haired girl could do with her toes! If that weren't enough, every sip is packed with plenty of alcohol to kill your inner demons. A delightful experience for delightful afternoons. (A-)

The Many Faces Of Spider-Man

Here's a preview of the first page of my never ending quest to digitally doodle the faces of every Spider-Man character ever.

By Me

Diamonds, Horseshoes, and Red Balloons

Last night, the Indianapolis Colts not only got their Super Bowl rings, but they were treated to the ingenious comedy stylings of none other than Houseguestin' Ass Sinbad. And if that wasn't edgey enough, the rings were presented to the glorious sound of a fifty voice gospel choir! Bow down before the rule of the NFL's new bad boys.

The Pain Will All Be Over Soon

The unwatchable, mind-numbing mess that is the NBA finals will conclude tonight with the fourth and final walloping of the Cleveland LeBrons. While I will be glad to be rid of the pathetic boredom that has become the playoffs, it is sad to reflect back on how this all started. The joy and excitement that the Bulls, Suns, and Warriors brought to the opening rounds actually made the NBA worth watching, if only for a fleeting moment. And now we are left with the sad realization that the Spurs have indeed become a dynasty. Not one that rivals Chicago, Boston, or even the laughable Lakers, mind you, but certainly one that has grown to be just as annoying as those bastard Patriots and their "play the right way" attitude. Screw playing the right way. I want to see players who care. Players with passion. Not Rasheed Wallace cranky baby passion. More like Reggie Miller vs. Spike Lee choking passion. But maybe passion isn't just isn't your thing. In that case, be sure to tune in at 9pm eastern to watch the least impressive championship win in NBA history.

Eva Mendes: Not A Good Actress

The music of the Carpenters, the karate chimp video, and dating advice from a Magic 8-Ball... all this and more can be found in Mark Steven Johnson's "Ghost Rider". Also included are approximately 367 flashback sequences recapping a scene you just viewed three minutes ago. As the lead, Nicolas Cage pulls of a fairly convincing mentally disabled youth, whose handicap makes it possible for him to actually fall in love with a sack of potatoes cleverly disguised as a pretty Mexican girl. Although, that's actually under some debate, as when the sack of potatoes is stood up by her badly toupeed beau, she asks her waiter, "You think I'm pretty, don't you?" to which the waiter responds in a not entirely positive manner. Fortunately, for these star-crossed lovers, they are not the only cerebrally deficient characters in the movie. When the police are scouring the town for Johnny Blaze, they never think to take a peek in his apartment; and Cowboy Ghost Rider, who has saved his final transformation for one hundred years, uses it so he can ride his horsey with Cameron Poe instead of actually being some use against the forces of evil. While I haven't read enough of the Ghost Rider comic to know if these character traits are consistent with the book, I am fairly certain there is a skull-faced guy whose head is on fire. Also, it's cool to drink Jelly Beans out of a Martini glass. (F)

I Wonder...

...How much unnecessary, self-righteous, feminist blog uproar the latest sexy Marvel cover is going to cause. First laundry, then tentacles, now necrophilia.

New Comic Book Day IV

World War Hulk #1. Hulk smash. And apparently slash (sword not pictured). And if this weren't enough, today marks the release of New Avengers #31 which will apparently change the universe as we know it. I just hope it doesn't crack the internet in half.

Sopranos Ends, Most Of America Retarded

Sorry I didn't put a spoiler warning, but the preceding image is the last shot from the final episode of the Sopranos. I'm not even going to get into a huge debate on whether or not this was a proper send off, but for the record, I didn't mind it and it was scary as hell. What concerns me most about all this is the level of stupidity apparent in all those who viewed it and have since commented on it. The sheer number of people that actually thought their cable went out is astonishing and they are all retarded. What's even worse is the staggering amount of articles, commentary, and ignorant forum postings calling it a "fade" to black. That was a cut people. A C-U-T, cut! A fade is a slow progression from picture to black over the course of several frames or seconds. When there is picture one frame and black the next, guess what... it's a @#$%ing cut. And if I hear one more person call it a "fade to black" in public, they're going to get to see all the violence they were hoping for. Or maybe they'll just cut to black.

Cubs Still Decidedly Whacky

Alfonso Soriano finally earned his forty-two quadrillion dollars last night by kersmacking the ball over the wall in his first three at bats friday night against the Braves. This quadruples his earlier home run total of one, and is actually the second time he's hit three homers against the Braves. He did it last year with the Nationals. Michael Barrett, fresh of his mammal pummeling, also hit one out of the park. The Cubs have now won five of six and are 16-15 on the road. Of course they're still a pathetic 11-17 at Wrigley. They're five games back of the Beer Makers and seven and a half out of the wild card. Also in baseball news, some Rocket guy is finally pitching for the Yankees today for sixty-four billion dollars and all the Thai hookers he can eat; an event surprisingly not televised by the Clemens loving ESPN. And the White Sox still suck.

Beer Fridays III

Rogue's Brutal Bitter may sound like it plans on taking the old two-by-four with a nail in it for a whack at the almond sack, but don't be scurred. While it is extremely hoppy, it is also surprisingly smooth and lands somewhere between ESB and IPA. The grapefruitalicious flavor will have you smacking lips, without puckering them. Very refreshing after a long hard day of bikini waxing Jessica Alba in the hot Caribbean sun. At least for me it is. (A-)

If You Don't Know, Now You Know

ESPN's John Hollinger recently ranked the top 60 NBA finals teams ever. Check out the top ten. (Specifically 1, 4, 5, and 7.)

Those Whacky Cubs

They've got quality pitchers. They've got quality hitters. They've got the big name manager. They're seven games under .500 in the craptastical National League. A couple of weeks ago they were actually averaging more runs than their competition and still losing the majority of their games. They've got three starting pitchers not named Z with ERAs under 4.00 and over 200 innings pitched and they're still losing the majority of their games. On the upside, after Sweet Lou got suspended and Zambrano fed dirty knuckles to his own catcher, the Cubs have won three of their last four and the large mammal is starting to look like his former self. He even hit two singles yesterday. Oh, also, they've finally developed the technology to transplant the brains of Prior and Wood into indestructible titanium bodies. Only they'll be in the stomach of the bodies. Like Krang from Ninja Turtles.

The McFly 2015

(From Yesbutnobutyes)

New Comic Book Day III

Classic Marvel super-heroes, Zombies, and Bruce Campbell. What more could you ask for? In this week's headliner, Marvel Zombies vs. Army of Darkness #4, Ash and the 1970's versions of Dazzler and the Scarlet Witch take their fight against the undead to Latveria and an inevitable team-up with the greatest super-villain of all time, Doctor Doom. With the last couple of issues featuring cameos by Nextwave and Howard the Duck, one can only shiver with glee at the thought of who could pop up next... with brains in their mouth. Also, while the whole Zombie craze is probably well on its way to getting old, I hope Marvel keeps churning these out just so I can see every comic cover in history repainted with zombie characters by this Suydam guy. Maybe eventually he'll run out of original covers and have to start painting human versions of the zombie ones.

New James Jean

Away (By James Jean)

Just In Case You Haven't Seen It Yet

(Click image for video)

Beer Fridays II

Arrogant Bastard Ale will take your lunch money. Arrogant Bastard Ale will send you crying to Mommy. Arrogant Bastard Ale will then smack your Mommy. Your Mommy will smile and ask for more. Arrogant Bastard Ale will give it to her. Arrogant Bastard Ale makes clever animations. Arrogant Bastard Ale makes delicious hot sauce. Arrogant Bastard Ale is a dark red sea of powerful, hoppy delight. Arrogant Bastard Ale is the greatest American beer ever made. Arrogant Bastard Ale knows it. Are you worthy? (A++)

Apparently LeBron Might Actually Be OK After All

48 points (on 55% shooting), 9 rebounds, 7 assists, and 2 steals against Detroit in game five of the Eastern Conference Finals. He scored his team's last 25 points and repeatedly dunked over the entire Piston squad on his way to going up 3-2 in the series. BUT, he needed two overtimes to do it and he didn't even have the flu. Close, but no Michael.